


For Now, Forever (Sequel to Lovely)

by stardustsroses



Category: The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: A little bit of angst, Alarkling - Freeform, F/M, because angst follows these two like the damn plague, but what can ya do, in which alarkling have a really steamy bath and are fluffy with each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 04:45:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18793270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustsroses/pseuds/stardustsroses
Summary: alternative ending to ruin & rising | post-ruin and rising || Alina thinks she might have made a mistake in coming to Aleksander, but as the time to part with him comes near, the Sun Summoner begins to question everything she thought she wanted, and everything her heart now desires. Either way, this will be the last time she tells him goodbye. || contains mature themes and extra fluffiness for all our Darkling-loving souls.





	For Now, Forever (Sequel to Lovely)

Alina Starkov could have slept her entire life amongst the softest of feathers, but it would never compare to the feeling of his skin against hers, warm and comforting and all things good.

        She surprised herself by how calm she felt as she woke that morning. How soft the sun rays felt on her skin as she turned her face towards the window. How the world seemed endlessly changed, and, at the same time, completely the same.

        Maybe she had been the one to change.

        It was a scary thought to be had – but one she was not afraid of, funnily enough.

        She almost smiled to herself, placing a finger to her bottom lip, still feeling the tingling of his kisses.

        She raised herself on her elbows, moving slowly against the silken sheets, and turned to face him.

        Aleksander was still asleep, and the sight of him was enough to make her cheeks tint.

        She felt as if she had been bathed in pure starlight. It was as if sunshine itself had crawled its way inside her, making her its new permanent home. She was filled with a strange, bubbly happiness – a kind she had never felt before –, as she watched him sleep.

        His hair was tousled and curling in a way it has never curled before. There was a roughness to him like this – so different to the way he held himself during the day, with imperious dignity and stoic indifference. Here, he let himself frown as he slept, his lip curling as the sun hit his eyes. Here, he allowed himself to just  _be_ , to take off that damned mask they’d forced upon him. He stretched, groaning softly under his breath as he did.

        Alina was mildly curious.

        It certainly was a delight to see him so off guard like that.

        She almost forgot, then.

        She almost forgot about everything she was supposed to do. For a few moments, as he opened his eyes and took her in, at first confused, and then giving her a soft, lazy smile, Alina Starkov forgot that the man who had one arm sloped around her waist was supposed to be her enemy – not her lover.

        They were silent, gazing at one another. Neither seemed to realize what had to be done, and instead behaved as if this was normal: waking up next to each other, soaking in the early morning sun, and simply…enjoying each other’s company, like a regular couple would on a pretty morning like that one.

        “I shall ring for breakfast if you wish,” he murmured.

        “No,” she said simply.

        Aleksander watched Alina, her elbows tucked in, her white hair falling in unruly, loose waves over her bare body.

        He paused. And then he said, “Are you not hungry?”

        “No,” she whispered.

        Aleksander reached out, touching a piece of fair hair between his fingers. He sighed, a bit sadly, and looked up at her again.

        “I can draw you a bath,” he tried.

        Alina did not wish to move, quite frankly. If she were being honest, she would rather stab herself in the foot than move out of his arms, but she was not quite ready to admit that to him. Yet.

        “Will I be bathing alone?” she asked.

        Aleksander’s eyebrows raised slightly. He rubbed one eye with the back of his hand, stifling a yawn, and Alina refrained from smiling at that. Unguarded – completely unguarded. And she’d managed to make him  _flustered_.

        “If you wish,” he responded after a few seconds.

        Alina debated this. “Do you mean – if I wish for company, I shall have it, or I will be bathing alone either way?”

        “Ask what you want to ask, Alina.”

        The corner of her mouth raised slightly. “I am not asking anything.”

        “Then suggest what you want.”

        Her lips parted when his fingers began idly stroking her back. It made goosebumps raise all over. It made her want to arch her back against his touch.

        “It’s early,” she said, looking down at him.

        “Yes,” he said back, watching her, wanting to see how far he could push her – how much he could make her say. “It is.”

        “Some would say  _too_  early,” Alina said, mainly as a way to distracted herself from his fingers that, in the midst of her words, had drifted lower. “The birds have barely risen.”

        “So,” he began, leaning closer, touching his lips to the curve of her shoulder, “why has my sun risen so early today?”

        Alina shivered at the sweetness of him.

        She could not deny the effect those words had on her heart.

        “Your sun does not usually sleep this much,” she breathed.

        “Why is that?”

        Alina leaned in, touching her forehead to his, unwilling to say the words, but forcing them out anyway as her eyes closed. She did not want to look at him in the eyes. “Maybe she thinks of you too much.”

        She felt the change in him at that – the slight pause of his fingers and his breath. His hand stopped completely at her lower back, his chin raising slightly so he’d look at her.

        Alina wondered what he saw in her eyes. How much she revealed and let go. How much she showed him.

        “I’m right here,” he whispered to her.

        “ _Now_  you are,” she whispered back.

        Aleksander paused, searching her eyes. “I don’t know if I can part with you, Alina.”

        Something sad and terrible took hold of her heart in the instant he said those words. As if the despair in his eyes had reminded her…

        Had reminded her that this was not meant to be.  _Couldn’t_  be.

         _Just once_ , she had told him.  _And then I’ll leave._

        Then what was she doing here, still?

        Alina pushed that feeling away, realizing she was not ready to leave paradise this soon.

        Delicately, she took hold of his chin. Three fingers underneath the rough line of his jaw, her thumb tracing it, slow, so slow, as she met his eyes.

        Then she kissed him.

        It was a sweet beginning – one they did not get to have. Slow and loving, forgiving, even.

        “One more,” she said to him, kissing his top lip, that sharp cupid’s bow. “I’ll forget this soon enough.”

        “I don’t want you to forget,” he murmured.

        Their eyes met.

        And Alina refrained from staring at the monster that was her reality straight in the eyes. Instead, she said to him, “I would like that bath.”

        Aleksander paused, as if taking hold of her words and making them forever his. “Alone?”

        Alina welcomed his tender kiss. “No,” she murmured against him. “Not alone.”

***

        It was true what she told him – it was early, too early. As they moved to his bathroom suit, the Little Palace was completely silent. There was nothing and no one lining the halls.

        She was wearing his robe to keep away the cold and he was wearing nothing.

        As she stood at the threshold, watching him fill the bath, Alina could not help letting her eyes drift over his powerful back. And over the rest of him. Every inch was beautifully carved, and it made her mouth dry taking him in – the curve of his shoulders and the powerful muscles of his back; his slender legs and-

        Aleksander looked at her over his shoulder.

        She quickly looked away and caught herself in the mirror’s reflection – pink cheeks.

        He walked to her, every step sending a thrum of power into her heart. She could not believe the smugness of him.

        He leaned down, touching his nose to hers.

        Aleksander was taunting her, she realized.

        Cornering her against the door, lips almost touching hers, that look in his eyes-

        “Why are you so ashamed to look at me?” He asked.

        Alina blinked, eyes forcefully meeting his. “I’m not.”

        “Are you ashamed when I look at you?”

        She could feel those hands drifting on her sides, feather-like. Another taunt. 

        It was a side to him lurking just underneath the surface, but she knew not many had seen it. Maybe she’d been the only one who’d had a privileged view of Aleksander with bed hair and flirty eyes.

        Enchanting, he was.

        “A bit,” she admitted. Because there was nothing else she could hide from him.

        “Why?” He asked, and looked genuinely curious.

        Alina was at a loss for words. And the steam was making her cheeks heat.

        “No one has ever looked at me like you do,” she explained, now actually embarrassed, unable to meet his eyes.

        Aleksander gave her a curious look, but Alina said nothing else.

        It was enough for him to guess.

        “Only a fool would have you willingly bare on his bed and not spend a good portion of his time taking you in,” he said.

        “Stop,” she placed a hand on his chest, “speaking like that.”

        “Why,” he teased, “am I making  _The_  Alina Starkov blush? Do tell me, is it that easy?”

        She laughed – really did laugh, and shook her head at his idiocy. She called him an idiot and Aleksander laughed too, with a strange wonder in his eyes as he took her in.

        This easiness between them…Alina was not sure if she would give that up for anything else in the world. Another scary thought that did not seem quite so scary to her at the present moment.

        The water filled the tub, and Aleksander helped her step in.

        He began by tugging on her robe, asking, “May I?”

        “I can take off my own clothes.”

        “Please do,” he said, and sat in the tub’s edge, watching, that same smugness about him making her itch to smack a well deserved kiss on his lips.

        Instead, Alina stared at him and said, “Turn around.”

        “Alina,” he laughed, really laughed. Dimples and everything. “After last night-”

        “Last night was one thing,” she said.

        “Do explain the difference, love, for I seem to have missed a step or two.”

        She switched the weight on her feet and chewed on her nail. Alina did not want to explain this to him, but there was something welcoming in this banter they were having. Something that made her want to speak to him. Tell him everything.

        “I don’t know,” she said. “It’s not quite the same.”

        “Very well,” he said, very seriously now, and turned, getting in the bath. “I’ll close my eyes and everything.”

        And he did, even as he sat down on the water, he had his eyes closed.

        Alina undressed as fast as lightning and climbed onto the tub. She was delighted to find it was not too hot, but just the right amount of warm.

        She took the liberty to sit between his legs, and it seemed to surprise him, for she felt him open his eyes and his body go still.

        Alina said nothing as she leaned into him, breathing a sigh.

        And Aleksander slowly wrapped his arms around her, gently splashing the skin of her arms that was not in the water.

        “Allow me a question,” he said.

        Alina seemed to tense, but nodded nonetheless.

        “Why last night?” He asked her.

        “What do you mean?” She asked, though she knew perfectly well what he meant. Alina just wanted a bit of time to think her words through.

        “What happened last night that made you want to come to me so suddenly?”

        Alina paused. “I was lonely.”

        Silence.

         _Might as well_ , she thought _. If he wanted to destroy you, he would have already with what you confessed the night before_.

        “I was lonely,” she repeated, “and cold, and I realized that, at the end of the day, the only person that would make my heart lighter was you.”

        Silence. So much silence. The water didn’t even move.

        Alina murmured, “So I came to you.”

        “Was it the first time you thought of doing so?”

        “No.”        

        A long, tense pause. His tone was small. “Was it…the last?”

        A difficult question, and one she did not feel like answering at the moment.

        Alina pulled herself from his arms and, instead of walking away like he expected, she turned in the spacious tub. She faced him, legs on either side of his waist.

        They were close, so close like this.

        His face was set in quiet surprise, and it pleased her more than it should have.

        Alina touched his face, feeling the rough skin of his jawline. He’d shaved the day before when they’d taken him to his rooms, but a very small scruff was already growing.

        She said to him, “Tell me one good thing.”

        “I have one thing to tell you,” he said to her, “but I don’t know if it’s good.”

        “Try me.”  

        “I love you.”

        “You like reminding me,” she said.

        “Do you not like to be reminded, then?” He asked, and there was a discreet vulnerability to his tone.

        Alina paused, dropping her hands to her lap. “I think we might end up destroying each other, Aleksander. This time for good.”

        He didn’t answer.

        They both seemed willing to forget what they were supposed to be doing. Pulling away, and not fighting their way to be closer.

        He said, “Tell me one good thing, then.”

        Alina paused, “It might be a terrible thing.”

        “Never,” he shook his head, touched her cheek, made her eyes turn to him.

        And maybe it was the tenderness in his gaze, and maybe it was the ache in her heart that made her whisper, half-defeated, “I love you, too.”

        Aleksander didn’t smile nor did he add anything else. He let out a dragged out sigh, and touched her hand. Then he touched his lips to her palm, before entwining their fingers.

        They were quiet for an instant. It was a comforting silence, one she liked, Alina realized. It was the sort of silence that let your head and heart rest; the sort of silence that erased any kind of terrible noises that might’ve gone into her mind during the day. It was a silence she would not mind hearing at the end of this war.

        “Why?” She asked suddenly.

        “What?”

        “Why do you love me,” Alina said, looking up at him. Her hair clung to her face, and Aleksander pulled it away, his other hand still in hers, his eyes never leaving her own.

        It was pretty clear he did not have an answer – not a proper direct one, at least. Alina could understand.

        She did not have one either.

        “Why does the sun rise everyday?” Aleksander asked in return. “And why does it always go away during the night?”

        Alina watched him in quiet – some would even argue  _loving_  – contemplation.

        “Because it must,” Aleksander said softly. “Because it is bound to. And always will.”

        Alina said, “Maybe there will come a day when it won’t.”

        And Aleksander said back, “Yes – when it dies.” A short pause. “Even the sun will die one day.”

         _I died everyday and still loved you,_  Alina wanted to say, but did not. It would not do any good.

        “I should go,” Alina whispered.

        Aleksander held on to her hand, but his grip eased. Giving her the space to go if she truly wanted to. But at the end of the day, Alina knew that it would take much more for her to leave. It would take more effort than she was willing to make.

        He looked to the window behind her, watching the clouds gathering.

        “It will rain,” he remarked. “Maybe the Sun Summoner has fallen ill, and needs to stay in bed all day.”

        “And whatever happened to the Darkling?” She asked, raising a brow.

        “He has fallen ill, as well,” he smiled softly, again – a bit sadly – at her. “He has fallen desperately.”

        A long, tension-filled pause. They watched each other, the enemies turned to allies turned to lovers.

        She did not know who kissed who first, but it was out of her mind the moment she felt his arms enveloping her, his mouth on his, his soul bared to hers.

        It still crackled in her veins – that flame, that electricity – everytime he touched her. It could be just a small brush of his hand on hers, but it didn’t matter. Aleksander ignited her in a matter of seconds.

        Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him close, while that kiss indeed allowed her to forget.

        She wanted him, and that was her reality.

        She needed him, and that was her reality.

        She loved him-

        And that was all she has ever known.

        Alina’s eyes opened as she felt him move, but before she could utter a word of surprise, he was lifting her up, and walking out of the tub with her in his arms.

        She thought he’d make for the bed-

        But instead Aleksander set her feet on a plush rug, and grabbed a towel.

        “What are you doing?” She asked aloud, despite the dizziness of the kiss.

        Aleksander wrapped a towel around her and – indeed, indeed so – he began to dry her.

        “It’s cold,” he explained, absolutely serious. “And I wouldn’t want you to get a real illness.”

        She almost laughed with the absurdity of it all. That he would interrupt…whatever their kiss was leading up to, to fuss over her.

        “I thought you wanted me wet.” The moment those words came out of her mouth, Alina could not believe it. But she went with that, anyway.      

        Who said he was the only one allowed to taunt her?

        “Cheeky,” he said, pleasant astonishment in his eyes as he knelt and wiped at the length of her legs.

        Alina touched two hands to his shoulders, realizing she was very much bare – all of her – and standing right in front of his wonderful gaze.

        “I cannot understand your embarrassment,” he breathed a laugh as he said the words, moving to her other leg. “Your body is not new to me after last night-”

        “ _This_  is new to  _me_.”

        Aleksander rose, and stole a kiss from her, wiping at the ends of her hair. “Turn around.”

        “Gods,” she rolled her eyes.

        “Need I say please?” He cocked his head to the side.

        She had a strange, stupid smile she did not recognize on her face. In fact, she could not control her features or what they were doing – it seemed as though they had a mind of their own. Just a smile from him, and she did not know who she was anymore.

        With a brief pause and a pointed look his way, she turned.

        Aleksander touched the ends of her hair, wiping at them. He said, “I might die all over again just to see that smile you just gave me.”

        “Don’t ruin me,” she closed her eyes. “Too early.”

        He gave her a soft kiss on her shoulder, wiping at her sides with the towel. Then lower, and lower-

        Alina laughed, pushing his hands away and turning to him. “Let me do it.”

        “Alright,” he smirked.

        Alina pulled the towel around her, and grabbed another, instructing him to lean against the sink. Aleksander watched her with that intensity of his, making her feel all sorts of things, as she came closer and began wiping at his chest.

        A pause as she stared at one particular scar below his collarbone she had not seen ever – not even the night before. Alina traced it with her thumb, frowning. It was not quite a scar, more like a mark-

        “What’s this?” She asked, looking up at him.

        “That was you, Alina.”

        She swore she could’ve felt the blood rising to her cheeks. “What-”

        And then she remembered as she looked down and saw more of the same reddish marks making a downwards path. She remembered it all too well.

        She cocked her head to the side, observing her handywork. “I’m not sure I wish to apologize for it.”

        “I’m very sure I don’t want you to,” he replied.

        Alina let her mind wonder about the night before as she let the towel trace his arms, his chest, and lower to his thighs. He looked like a painting against all the white stone, one of those ancient ones she always saw hung up in old chapels and such, where painters used to imagine what divine creatures looked like and did their best at recreating their portraits. Each one more flawless than the other. And they were no comparison to the portrait she had in front of her.

        Grey eyes watched her still, as if unwilling to turn away, uninterested in the world around them.

        She finished, and wasn’t sure what to do with the towel in her hands. The last thing she intended was to cover him. And yet she did not know her next move.

        Last night she’d been intentional with every move and every kiss. She’d been the one to walk in, to undress herself, to undress  _him_ , for that matter, and to take the lead. She’d had a different mind. A resolute mind, intending to make that their first and last time together.

        Today, she was not so sure.

        “I want you to be very certain of what you want me to do next,” Aleksander said, his voice even, not missing a beat. And sending her blood rushing all the same.

        “Alright,” she said numbly, twisting the towel in her hands.

        He gently pushed it away, and the fabric fell, forgotten on the wet rug.

        Her own towel was next. “Do you want to take this off yourself?” He asked, a little humour to his tone, a little lift to the corner of his mouth. “Do you want to take it off at all? Or shall I do the honours?”

        Her mind was spinning.

        “Take it off,” she asked, her voice surprisingly commanding.

        Aleksander stepped in close. “And what else do you want?”

        Her breathing changed one heartbeat to the next as Aleksander leaned in, kissing the crook of her neck, and then the place where her jaw began.

        “Hum,” she said, swallowing with difficulty. “Bed,” she breathed.

        His hands made their move first, touching hers with gentle affection, pulling them away, and undoing the towel. It fell to the floor in a pool.

        A soft laugh escaped her mouth as he lifted her up in his arms. Alina twisted the door handle, and Aleksander walked them into his room.

        She noticed the sheets had already been changed. So servants had come around. They’d most likely noticed her robes on the floor.

         _To hell with it,_ a part of her wanted to scream.

         _Mal already knew. The Palace already knew._

        Did it make her a better person? Probably not.

        But Mal – he had given up on her long before she had done the same. The stars hadn’t favoured them.

        And maybe that had doomed them since the start.

        Aleksander placed her on the neatly made bed, and paused, hovering above her, seeing right through her.

        “Alina?”

        She paused, looking for the words trapped in her throat. When she didn’t seem to find them, Aleksander quietly said, “Are you not certain?”    

        He could read her better than she expected, Alina supposed.

        “I don’t want to think,” she said, touching his cheek, pulling him closer in the same second. “I want you.”

        “Tell me what is hurting you,” he said, placing a kiss on her chin, her nose, her lips. “Tell me how to make it better.”

        If she asked him to cross the world, she knew he would.

        He would do anything.

        Alina had his entire being grasped in the palm of her hand, and that was another scary thing.

        If she had been in her right state of mind, maybe she would have been beyond herself with fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of this feeling that seemed to wreck her no matter what path she intended to take – to leave or to stay. And the only thing to cure that fear…

        “I want you for now,” she said to him, “forever. And I don’t think it will go away – that want.”

        Aleksander’s eyes searched her own. He had beautiful, tormented eyes. She would dare to paint them one day, if he allowed it. She would attempt to trace their beauty like those old artists did, just to keep that image forever.

        “What is holding you back?” He asked.

        “Everything,” she said. “Everyone.”

        Aleksander shook his head in a desperate way. “Run away with me.”

        “You’ve said that,” Alina murmured. “And I don’t think you mean it.”

        His brow furrowed, and his eyes flashed with what seemed to her pain; pure, undiluted pain. “Alina,” he said, “Nothing else matters. Why do you think I agreed to stay here? To bargain for my life? What do I care?” He asked, touching her cheek. “What do I care about my life? I have lived plenty. Eternity is not my goal anymore, Alina. The crown is not my goal anymore.”

        “You’ll change your mind,” she said lowly.

        “Who are you trying to convince?” He asked, smiling slightly. “Yourself – or me?”

        Alina stared up at him long and hard. For a while she said nothing, and simply allowed herself to see the depths of those eyes – to the man who he was, before the darkness had taken hold of him. She looked, and searched, and observed, and found the answers she was looking for in his eyes.

        “Don’t say goodbye to me,” he said, “for I can’t say goodbye to you.”

        Alina did not have the words once more – so she pulled him close.

        His arms wrapped around her in a tender embrace, his face buried in the crook of her neck, his hands splayed at her back. They laid there like that for ages, until the sun was high, and neither of them had noticed the passage of time.

        Simply holding on – never intending to let go.

        Alina was the one to slowly pull away, her cheek against his. Their lips met, and it was flame and rain combined. It was a freezing downpour falling over their heads. It was a scorching fire blasting on their chests. It was everything.

        Aleksander’s first destination was the place between her legs. Like the night before, he took his time, seeming to take a favour to the tender skin of the inside of her thighs, giving both sides a long row of kisses that made her hips move off the mattress a good couple of times. And then he was kissing her.

        It was slow, long licks that alternated with closed-mouth kisses. All the while she was trembling with restless hands searching the sheets for anything solid to hold on to, before she finally settled on the thick strands of his hair.

        It was cruel of him not to guide her until the very end, and instead watch her as she writhed on the sheets, a pleased smile on his face while he began placing kisses on the bottom of her stomach. Alina was not very patient, and he liked to test that patience.

        He turned them, and Alina was then on top, flesh against flesh, as she gently kissed him. With a soft tug at her waist, Aleksander insisted on finishing what he started, but Alina stayed exactly where she was and, instead, moved her hips a bit, adjusting, and found what she wanted.

        A ragged breath escaped both their lips as they connected. The rain began, dragging down on the window, the only sound being that and their soft pants as Alina took him in.

        She touched her lips to his jawline, slowly kissing a path down to his neck. They moved slow, almost lazily, matching the fall of the rain outside. It felt too good to move this slow, so they kept their pace, no hurries, for they did not have anywhere else to be. Alina entwined both their hands, raising them next to his face. Aleksander reserved a smile for her as she let go, just to bring her hands to his cheeks. She smiled too, eyebrows crinkling slightly with every slow roll of her hips, and every slow movement of his meeting hers.

        “Alina,” he grunted out as she softly kissed him, one of her hands tracing his jaw as she did.

        She could not begin to describe how triumphant she felt as Aleksander slowly became a living wreck. Alina was following suit, but all her attention stayed on his face, on the way his dark brows furrowed together, the way his jaw locked, a muscle ticking there, his eyes the colour of the skies.

        He wrapped an arm around her back, giving him more control of their pleasure. One thrust, and Alina’s head fell against his shoulder, a grunt leaving her own mouth. Another, and a gasp tore out of her throat. Another, and her nails clung to his chest. A soft moan against her ear had her shattering, and it all felt so good – his lips against her shoulder, his voice in her ear saying her name, his muscles moving underneath her, him inside her – that it was almost excruciating, unbearable.

        Aleksander followed her not too soon after, and Alina felt every bit of him tense beneath her flesh, his body locking into place before he relaxed, exhaled, and rested his head back on the pillow, breathing hard.

        Alina was still panting above him, head resting just underneath his collarbone. She could not dare to move. She wouldn’t.

        Aleksander traced her back slowly, staring at the ceiling as they both relaxed against one another. Alina was spread out next to him a couple of seconds later, one arm around him, watching him as he watched the dark ceiling.

        “Aleksander.”

        He looked down at her, blinking, as if waking up from a daze. His heart gave a flutter when she said his name, and instinctively he pulled her closer, touching his lips to her forehead.

        “What were you thinking about?” She asked him, a hand tracing slow circles on his chest.

        There was always a pause before any confessions they made to each other, no matter how small they were. This time was no exception. Aleksander sighed a contented sigh, and then looked at the sun summoner once more. “I was thinking about what makes people soulmates.”

        Alina watched him, breathing him in as she kissed a spot on his chest. “And have you found your answer?”

        “I have.”

        “Care to share?”

        “I think you may already know,” he said, touching her face, thumb drawing a line from eye to chin. “It is not something one can explain.”    

        They gazed at one another.

        “It’s just…something you feel.”

        Alina didn’t need to nod her agreement, she knew he felt what she felt, in that exceptional, one-of-a-kind bond they shared. She hoped she knew, for she was still choking on the words.

        At last, Aleksander murmured, “It will break me watching you leave.” He pulled a strand of hair away from her face. “But if it’s what you wish, I want you to say it. Say it will make you happy to leave me, and it will ease my heart – knowing you chose it. Knowing it is what you wanted.”

        Alina thought on it.

        She thought of everything – every terrible and good memory associated with his name and face. Alina remembered every word, every encounter, and every kiss. Had them committed to memory; never to leave her.

        She realized she had come to a decision long before she met him. That, even when she was drawing maps in a small tent, a girl afraid of the dark, she knew there had always been a line traced up in the stars leading her to him, and leading him to her. They had been meant for this.

        But-

        But she still had a lot to say.

        Alina raised herself up on her elbows and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

        To Aleksander, it tasted like goodbye.

         Pulling away, looking down at him, Alina said with clear certainty: “This is my last goodbye, Aleksander.”

        They were a door half-closed. Despite her words, her tone seemed to show him exactly what he’d been thinking, and dreading, for these last months: that they did not known if that door was still going to barge open, or close permanently.

        So Aleksander waited for the moment she left his arms.

        He told himself he would let go.

        He would  _make_  himself let go, when the time arrived.

        Aleksander would not live his happiness at the cost of hers. He promised himself this when she first stepped into that door and made her way into his arms. And he would stick to that promise with every fiber of his being.

        But Alina did not leave.

        He looked at her expectantly, confused, a bud of hope blooming in his chest, so slowly.

        She smiled, and he understood.        

        Her last goodbye.

        Not because she was leaving-

        But because Alina was choosing to stay.

        Aleksander began to smile, but he had no words to say. Because in that moment, his sun shined on him, and she leaned to kiss him once more, a thousand times more, each kiss a promise, each kiss a reminder.

        Alina smiled against his lips, and murmured, “For now-”

        “Forever,” he completed.

        And when she leaned down for a kiss, Aleksander thought that it tasted like a hello.

* * *

 

The end (?)


End file.
